2012- the start of the rest of my life

2012- image from techland.time.com

2012- image from techland.time.com

So here we are in 2012, the year the Olympics will come to London.  Can I just ask everyone one small question?

How the hell did that happen?

It seems like no time at all since we were celebrating the millenium (for a variety of reasons a night I will never forget) and suddenly here we are twelve years later.  A lot has happened in that time both on a global scale and on a more personal one but when people said that time goes quicker the older you get, I didn’t realise they meant quite this quickly.

So 2012, a new year and, for me, another new start.  Trust me when I say I’ve had a few of these.  But I’m determined that this one is going to be different.  Because I’m different this time round. My life is different this time round.

The biggest new start for me is moving back into my flat.  I’ve owned my flat since 2006 but have probably only lived in it for maybe two years in the intervening period.  The reason for this being that with my depression there were problems with me living on my own. Basically I couldn’t be trusted to keep functioning and doing basic things like eating and cleaning. So for the rest of the time I have been living with my parents.

The lack of cleaning thing means that in order to move back my flat needs a really good spring clean.  So that is my first job for the new year and it does equate to sort my life out! But I am looking forward to doing it as it is a step towards the independence that I haven’t had for so long and that I need in order to move on with my life.

Also, there is a good chance that either me or one of my parents may die if we keep living together much longer. There is only so long you can live with your parents and answer the “where are you going, when will you be back, what are you doing today” questions when you have had the freedom to do what you want, when you want before.

Of course, moving back to my flat means that I’m going to be spending a lot more money as I haven’t really been spending money on food or anything similar over the past couple of years.  The thing with that is that in the past I haven’t exactly been what you might call financially responsible.  Ooops? So I’m going to have to start -gulp- budgeting and getting my finances in order as at the age of 30. Alvin Hall, here I come.

My other aim for 2012 is to get comfortable with my biggest demon: the mirror. Like a lot of women I really don’t like what I see in the mirror, despite Operation Fit and Fabulous, I don’t live comfortably inside my own skin.  As a result I’m going to focus less on what my body looks like and more what it can do.  So I’m going to run.  I ran a bit at uni but an old back injury flared up and I stopped but I’ve been inspired by the fabulous Bangs and a Bun and her various incarnations of Team Bangs on the Run.

So come September I am going to run the Run to the Beat half marathon.  13.1 miles that may very well kill me but I’m going to do it. And luckily I have a partner in crime for this in the gorgeous and fabulous Mrs Samantha Hadadi, one of my best friends and a truly gorgeous woman, inside and out.

I’m also going to make a special effort with my diet, try and take my own food for lunch instead of relying on whatever I can lay my hands on when I’m at work.  This should help both the finances and the waistline as I’m sure I’m eating a lot of calories I really shouldn’t be with lunch.  I’m going to see a nutritionist to help with this as having been told I can’t eat gluten I think I need a bit more help with my diet to make sure I’m getting all the right nutrients to support my body.

The most important part of what are effectively my New Year’s resolutions is to love myself. I have a horrible habit of beating myself up for every tiny little perceived mistake and whilst it is something I have worked on in therapy, I still have a long way to go.  The good bit is that 2011 has brought me some new friends who will help me with this.

And with that I want to say goodbye to 2011 with a massive thank you to my fantastic friends, the lovely people who have supported me through some tough times. Special thank yous go to Samatha Hadadi, Cate Merrick, Jo GiffordSarah Williams,Jayne Hardy, Lea RiceAli Edgar and Andy Hagan. You guys are brilliant and I love you.

Another thank you goes to the lovely people who read my blog. I am hugely excited whenever I get a new follower or a comment so thank you and please keep reading.

What are your plans for 2012? Have you made New Year’s resolutions this year?

Average Josephine x

UPDATE: I meant to put this when discussing Run to the Beat above but if anyone wants to join me, Sam and Jo (who has commented she will be joining us!) then please let me know! I’d love to keep in touch with anyone planning to run and we can all keep each other going through the training- I’m going to need all the support I can get!!

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4 thoughts on “2012- the start of the rest of my life

  1. I am so so proud of you. I know better than anyone that life has thrown some awful things at you, but you are one strong lady (a lot lot lot stronger than you realise even) and you can make 2012 your year.

    I will be here to help you every step of the way, but I have nothing but complete admiration for you right now. You don’t need me at all! Turning your life around…you are an inspiration for every woman suffering from depression.

    I wish when you looked in the mirror, you could see what everyone else sees. You are beautiful Jenn, you just need to believe it.

    Here’s to an amazing 2012 – oh, and smashing RTTB!!

    xxxx

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