One of the things I never thought about when starting this blog was content. I never thought “well, what on earth would I write about?” I know that sounds ridiculous but it wasn’t something that I ever thought would be a problem. There are so many things that happen where I want to express an opinion and I can’t do it in an ordinary forum.
There was one little tiny thing that I hadn’t bargained for when planning my blog.
That sounds exceedingly odd, I know, but the fact is that I am my own worst enemy. I wrote a couple of posts which people seemed to to appreciate culminating a week ago in 79 hits in 24 hours. I was amazed. I wasn’t expecting anything like that, especially when I’d only written 7 posts in total. I hadn’t known how many readers to expect but I was not expecting that many hits in a day anywhere near as soon as this. And that was when the doubts started creeping in… But what if they don’t like me? What if it’s a fluke? Basically the momentary high of people actually reading my blog wore off and my normal level of self-confidence restored itself.
So since then I have been unable to finish a post… There are several drafts sitting in my WordPress account waiting for me to find the confidence to post them but it has been a bit of battle even to get this far. And whilst I shouldn’t be surprised at this behaviour, the initial pleasure then psychologically beating myself up to the point I’m almost mentally paralysed is a bit of a modus operandi with me, I still hate that I do it when something is going well.
But I think that a certain degree as much as I know this is a big failing of mine, a lot of women are guilty of this form of self-sabotage. How many of us when told we look good respond with “but I look really rough today!” Or when we’re told that we’ve done something well have thought “oh well it was just a fluke”. I even had a discussion with a fellow blogger a couple of weeks back about this very subject and she worried that she will wake up one day and all her twitter followers and blog subscribers will have disappeared overnight.
So why are we so hard on ourselves? I can’t say because I’m as hard on myself as the next girl but I am at least aware of how I sabotage myself and, as we all know, admitting there is a problem is the first step to solving it. How successful I am remains to be seen…
What do you do to self-sabotage? Is it exclusively a female problem or are you guys as guilty as us girls?
Average Josephine x